


Four Drink Morag

by cat_whiskers



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, F/M, Tora and Poppi are mentioned but don't turn up, and sober rex being like wait what, crackfic, drunk aegis team, ngl I was sad and wrote this as a distraction, rex you sweet oblivious summer child, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_whiskers/pseuds/cat_whiskers
Summary: Okay, so this was totally inspired by Amy from B99, and that episode of Glee where they have that party at Rachel's place. Essentially written with no real plan, just a bit of fun - was feeling pretty down after the UK lockdown announcement and wanted a bit of escapism. Not related to my other fanfic, btw - the next update for that is being written! But the shitpost idea in my head was 'but what if the Aegis Party all got drunk?'Apologies if this is a bit messy, I just wrote it in one sitting in the hope that it might make someone smile/laugh. Also, I fully head canon that Rex was just oblivious to all the relationships in the story, which is why they don't appear explicitly in the main story, and then as soon as its done it all comes out at once and he's like WAIT WHAT.
Relationships: Hikari | Mythra/Nia, Kagutsuchi | Brighid/Meleph | Mòrag Ladair, Zeke von Genbu/Saika | Pandoria
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Four Drink Morag

**Author's Note:**

> this was written whilst listening to the mii channel song. 11/10 would recommend. the aegis party are all dumbasses at heart in their own special ways, and we love em.
> 
> Mòrag ladair I'd die for you xx

Rex really, _really_ didn’t know how he’d ended up in the middle of this catastrophe, but he assumed being the driver of the Aegis would sometimes lead him to unexpected situations.

Such as this – before his very eyes, the Special Inquisitor of Mor Ardain and the Crown Prince of Tantal, on a table, holding each other’s blade weapons (which he was pretty sure would almost definitely be causing some sort of ether malfunctioning or… something?) and passionately arguing about something.

Oh, and they both seemed absolutely hammered too.

“Architect, not this again.” A familiar voice, though with a slight slur in it, appeared at Rex’s side. Brighid. Ah. If anyone was able to get Mòrag down from the table, it would be her. “So, Rex, what are they arguing about this time?”

“This time?” Despite being well aware of the friendly rivalry existing between the two adult drivers of the group, he had never seen it quite reach this extent before. “You mean you’ve seen them like this before?”

Brighid turned to him, smiled, and Rex was pretty sure she was a bit more than tipsy given she was swaying slightly, but sometimes it was best just to not say anything in these situations. The Aegis Party had returned from the whole… Elysium thing, and Gramps had landed them somewhere on the Gormotti titan, at the port of a small town far from Gormott. The group, being absolutely knackered after the whole Morytha-World Tree-Elysium-Aion-falling to their deaths-literally discovering a new world shenanigans, took rest at the inn near the port. Consequently, it had been discovered by Zeke – of course it was Zeke – that the inn had a bar. Though the group never normally had time to slow their pace, being on a constant stop Torna-save the world-discover the Church is corrupt crazy adventure, it was agreed that for once, they could celebrate. At which point Mòrag, in a completely unprecedented move, bought out the whole bar, to the shock of the entire Aegis team and to the delight of Zeke and Pandoria. After all, she was the only one who really could afford it – Zeke might well be a prince, but the man couldn’t afford a second contact lens. Though Rex, Tora and Poppi, the members of the group deemed potentially underage for alcohol, were told in no uncertain terms they shouldn’t have more than a drink or two, it seemed the rest was a bit of a free for all. Which led to the situation now – no one was really sure what Tora was doing, probably working on Poppi or something, but Rex was somehow the most sober one here. And they all said salvagers are known for their drinking. Huh.

“Lady Mòrag doesn’t drink often, but when she does, you can always tell what drink she’s on. This is three drink Mòrag. She would argue with anyone about anything. Once, she tried to make a case that in another life, she could have been a chef, and that her talents are wasted as special inquisitor.”

“Well, could she?”

“Architect no, did you not hear about the Monkfish incident from Pyra? She’s almost as bad as Mythra, and there is definitely something questionable about those Ardainian tastebuds.” Turning back to Mòrag, Brighid gazed dreamily at her whilst she slowly became more and more enraged at Zeke, who sent back equal fire. Somehow, Rex couldn’t see this one ending well, and Brighid seemed far too enamoured with her driver to actually want to intervene.

“Brighid? How are we going to stop them arguing?”

“Oh, easily. We bring out four drink Mòrag. I like her the most.”

Rex wasn’t sure about the sound of that, “Give her _more_ alcohol? Won’t that, like, make her more angry?”

Brighid laughed knowingly, “Oh Rex, no. My lady has a scale, see. One drink Mòrag will tell you everything you could ever possibly want to know about Ardainian history, without prompting. Two drinks, that’s giggly Mòrag – look, she’s still got hiccups from it now,” And Rex noticed that yes, Mòrag was hiccupping, “Three drink Mòrag has the social confidence sober Mòrag doesn’t believe she has, but it usually ends up in her arguing passionately with someone. Like Zeke, right now. Although Zeke looks like he is about to-“ A crash, and Zeke had fallen off the table onto the floor, and then Rex is running to his side to assist. Brighid takes back her whipswords that have rolled towards her, then heads over to Mòrag, leading her to the bar. Where’s Pandoria in moments like this?

Lifting Zeke up was a mammoth task, but somehow Rex pushed the man into the corner, sat on the floor. “Rex! My chum, my protégé! You know Rex, I’m so, so proud of you? Like, you’re what I wish I could have been when I’m younger. But being part of this group? It’s been one of the best things ever! Second only to, like, me and Pandy’s first kiss.” Oh. Well that was something Rex didn’t know about.

“Wait, you and Pandy are a thing?”

“Yeah, chum, wasn’t it obvious?”

“…No?”

Zeke burst out laughing, slapping his hand onto his thigh, “You really make me laugh, you know that, Rex? Well it truly seems the great Master Driver’s perception is something to behold! Chum, why did you _think_ we shared a room together every time? Same as Mòrag and Brighid, they’re just more sneaky about it, but we’re not exactly quiet.”

“WAIT. Mòrag and Brighid?”

“What about them?”

“Are they… you know?” Zeke burst out laughing, almost snorting.

“Well, chum, when a woman and a woman love each other very much…”

“Agh! No! I don’t need to know!” Thankfully, Pandy came over at that point, half her clothes appearing gone, and completely distracting Zeke as she jumped into his lap.

“Prince, you idiot!” She poked his cheek and giggled, and Rex was glad someone was at least keeping an eye on him. Even if said someone had apparently been stripping on a table a few moments prior. Hm.

He turned around. Pyra was lounging against Dromarch, looking pretty tired but happy. Mythra and Nia were… oh Architect, Nia was in blade form, lying on a table and Mythra was pouring salt on her stomach and licking it, then sucking a lime, then doing a shot whilst Nia was yelling encouragement in a very heavy Gormotti accent at her. And that was an image Rex could never erase from his brain. Okay, he was going to Pyra now, she seemed the most sane of everyone.

“Hey.” He sat beside her, smiling, and she turned to him.

“Hi, Rex. How’s it going?”

“Well, I just watched Mòrag and Zeke scream at each other on a table, Zeke fall off said table, I think Brighid is about to give Mòrag another drink to bring out ‘four-drink Mòrag’, Mythra appears to be doing a shot off Nia, so all in all I thought this was the safest place to hang out.” Pyra giggled as he recalled his adventures, shuddering at the recollection of her sister’s antics with Nia.

“Yeah, Mythra has a huge crush on Nia, I think Nia likes her back too. I’m just glad we’re separate now, it would be really awkward to be body changing with all that going on, as much as I love Nia.” They fell into silence, watching the chaos unfolding around them. Zeke and Pandoria appeared to be doing shots of something that was blue and definitely didn’t look like something that was meant to go into anyone’s body, Mythra and Nia appeared to be very close together whispering in a corner, and Mòrag and Brighid…

Oh. They were going towards the staircase, Brighid leading Mòrag. Just as Rex thought they wouldn’t be a concern for him anymore, they stopped in the entrance to the rooms upstairs and started kissing. So this was four drink Mòrag, then. Perhaps that’s why she was Brighid’s favourite…

Nope. This was getting too weird for words. And now Rex remembered was Zeke had said just before the arrival of Pandoria, and had he really been that oblivious the whole time? He had had no clue about any of this. Didn’t Mòrag say she was married to her job or something? Something on Mòrag’s finger glinted, and he noticed a ring there. On the ring finger. On the ring finger. And Mòrag had mentioned something once about Ardainian wedding traditions, to exchange rings with the beloved…

Wait… were Mòrag and Brighid married this whole time?

And now Nia and Mythra were making out in a corner. And Zeke was back on the table, this time with Pandoria, and they were scream-singing something dedicated to Turters apparently.

Rex had no idea how he would explain this one in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! if you did, please leave kudos and a comment, it would really make my day!
> 
> 1 drink Morag - Morag the historian  
> 2 drink Morag - giggly Morag  
> 3 drink Morag - will fight ANYONE about ANYTHING, the most confident person in the world  
> 4 drink Morag - horny Morag, and Brighid's favourite ;)
> 
> (this is truly the epitome of a bad idea, fulfilled in aid of me procrastinating studying.)


End file.
